Beautiful Dreamer by Sam Singer

Author:Sam Singer [Singer, Sam]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf

“THANK you,” Nicholas said, taking the cup of coffee from Charles.

In the weeks since Nicholas and Philip had discussed becoming physically intimate, Philip’s attempts to convince Nicholas he was the right one for Nicholas had intensified. He wrote original compositions, and gave Nicholas thoughtful tokens of affection. He called on Nicholas and took him for carriage rides. Nicholas supposed his actions were meant to be endearing, but he found them annoying and suffocating. Nicholas was most certainly not a female and did not want to be courted like one. Certain aspects of his relationship with Philip felt right but others—the romantic aspect, increasingly—felt forced. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up.

“He’s just trying so hard, Charles. I feel I owe it to—”

“Stop right there, Nicholas,” Charles said, holding up a hand. He dropped down into the chair across from Nicholas. “Loving someone isn’t about owing them anything. If you’re not in love after—how long have you been seeing him?”

“Eight months,” Nicholas muttered.

“Nearly a year. If you’re not in love after a year, you’re not ever going to be. I mean, I fell in love with Millicent the day I saw her.” A brief smile quirked up Charles’s lips at the mention of his sweetheart before he returned to the subject at hand. “And frankly, Nicholas, to make him believe he has a chance at winning your heart is cruel.”

Nicholas set the coffee aside, not really wanting it. He could always count on Charles to cut to the heart of the matter, not mincing words, but not making him feel guilty.

“I don’t want to hurt him.” It was true. He cared a great deal about Philip, but as much as he cared, he wouldn’t call it love and not soul-deep, romantic love.

Charles nodded in sympathy. “It’s unavoidable. Especially for as long as you two have been seeing each other.”

“I am a bastard.” Nicholas held his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. He wanted to love Philip, he should love him, but something was missing. Something was always missing in his relationships, a deeper connection. Nicholas only had that connection with one person and that person wasn’t real.

“An unintentional one,” Charles said. “You can’t give your heart to someone else when you’ve already given it to another.”

Nicholas raised his head and looked at his friend. “He isn’t real!” Nicholas shouted, frustrated. At himself. At the boy from his dreams. At his life. At everything.

Charles blinked and looked nonplussed. “He’s real to you,” he said calmly. “That is all that really matters. If you would like my advice, here it is: in the last couple of years, you’ve courted four people, and none of them have put this other man out of your mind. Maybe you should stop trying. Go back to your research. Since you started up with this courting business, you’ve not been buying as many books from me. Between you and the loss of Miss Bennet, my ledgers have suffered.” Charles winked and took a sip of his coffee.

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